It’s probably a sin, but I can’t
help it. In fact, I’m kinda proud of
it. And I know I’m not the only one
who has this problem.
I once had a Sunday school teacher who constantly
pointed out his expensive watch, ostensibly
as an object lesson that anyone can make a
lot of money if one applies oneself.
He annoyed me to no end. I got tired of what
I believed was his bragging about his cotton-picking
watch.
First, there’s a diminishing return
on watches. My $10 Timex kept the same time
that his several-thousand-dollar gold version
did.
And second, he was eaten up with himself.
He even walked with a swagger. I didn’t
want to be like him.
But I am like him despite myself. I did a
good deed the other day and couldn’t
wait to tell people about it. I know deep
down that it’s wrong to even mention
it, but I’m compelled to tell you.
Even Jesus commented on this topic. He said,
“…when you do a kindness to someone,
do it secretly--don’t tell your left
hand what your right hand is doing.”
I think he was saying that when we do good
deeds, it shouldn’t even register on
our consciousness. We should be doing good
without noticing.
I remember an Uncle Scrooge comic book where
he went around trying to find a good person.
As he made his quest, visiting his friends,
he helped one cut some wood, another clean
the house. He never noticed that he was the
good person himself.
I, on the other hand, always tell my left
hand everything my right hand ever does--not
a single unannounced good deed.
So I decided to improve myself and get over
this need to brag. I went to an Internet advice
column, one written by Michael Bucci at Askmen.com.
He said that people won’t like me if
they perceive that I am bragging.
He suggests bragging discretely. For instance,
I have to wait until someone asks me what
kind of car I drive to talk about it.
I couldn’t wait to try that out. So
during a recent job interview, my prospective
boss asked me what my career aspirations were.
I explained, “I already drive a really
nice car.”
I could tell he was impressed when he told
me he’d call me when they found a suitable
spot for me.
I decided to try more of Bucci’s advice.
He says if I’m wearing an expensive
suit, never mention it first--that others
will notice and ask about it. I put on my
best one yesterday and someone did ask if
it was new. I explained I got it only a week
ago in a yard sale in a very expensive neighborhood.
I didn’t brag about the price.
Some advice doesn’t work, though. Bucci
suggested complimenting others on whatever
it is you want them to notice concerning you.
He said, “It makes you seem like a nice
guy for noticing” that others look good.
I got a new pair of sox the other day and
spent the entire afternoon noticing other
people’s sox. But not a single person
returned my compliments.
This bragging discretely is hard work. As
Gene Brown said, “The really tough thing
about humility is you can’t brag about
it.”
Oh. I can see by my really cheap watch that
I have to go put on my expensive used suit
and get in my really nice car and go to my
weekly Braggers Anonymous meeting. I can’t
wait to tell them that I have been completely
cured of bragging.
Humorist Tim Nicholas teaches journalism
at Mississippi College. Write him at tmthynchls@aol.com
